A hidden gem in the Metadata API deploy operation which takes a DeployOptions structure, in it is a purgeOnDelete setting that will do what all you actually need!
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So, according to purgeOnDelete, the deleted components in the destructiveChanges.xml manifest file aren't saved in the recycle bin. Instead, they instantly become eligible for deletion. This particular field is accessible in from API version 22.0 and further. But, this option works only in the Sandbox organizations or Developer Edition and doesn't work in production organizations.
However, with few java skills, you can create a new deploy Ant Task by extending the current one, to expose the attribute to your Ant build scripts.